People around the world (you included) buy learning materials, books, audio programs, webinars, teleconferences and attend lectures and workshops every day. These learning options exist whether you want to learn about leadership, leopards, or being a lifeguard.

Companies and organisations everywhere organise and fill workshops and classes continually, because they want to invest in their employees’ and team members’ education and learning. All of these activities make sense; we want to be able to learn or do more, and our life experience says that a classroom (i.e. school) or reading (i.e. books, etc.) are the ways to learn something new.

Unfortunately a large percentage of these investments of time, money and effort in these courses, books and programs are wasted. Books don’t get opened, teleconferences aren’t attended, workshops are forgotten and much more. It isn’t really the fault of the author, instructional designer or trainer for these problems. While there are things that these people can do to improve the results gained from their products, in the end it isn’t their responsibility.

It is the learner’s responsibility. That means it is our responsibility.

And as long as we carry an “event” mindset, we won’t get the results we hope for. Because learning is a process, but all of the programs, classes and books are just events; and we don’t learn in a lasting way from an event.

In order for us to get value from the books, audios, classes, courses and workshops, we must take action. We must try what we learned, see what happened, tweak it, and try again. In other words we must do for learning anything new, what has always worked for us. Think about it – you didn’t learn how to ride a bicycle until you put your butt in the seat and a foot on the peddle.

At first, when you got on the bike, you made mistakes and fell down (and scraped your knee and depending on who was watching wounded your pride). Yet you got back up, tried again and learned how to ride. To learn the things you want to learn now, you must get a little dirty, expose yourself (and your image), and try it. Once you have those lessons, you can improve and adjust until you get the results you desire. Here then is the magic pill that you have been looking for ever since you grew up and forgot about the lesson of the bicycle: Make your learning a process.

Consider books, courses, audio programs all a part of your grander learning process. Commit to finding ways to practice what you are learning, and to finding ways to receive feedback (from yourself and/or others) about your progress. When you place all of these wonderful learning tools in perspective, they can have a tremendous positive impact for you and your results, but only when they are seen as a piece of your personal learning puzzle, rather than the moment in time where things will change for you.

This information is important for you as an individual, but it is important for you to remember as a leader as well. If you want to help develop those you lead, you must help them create a learning process, rather than simply signing them up for the next corporate course. Leaders can help create a process (holding them accountable, asking for their learning goals, giving them feedback, as examples), or invest in learning opportunities that include a process.

At Amovita, we deliver a range of professional development programs, targeted at everyone in your business from your Board of Directors, CEO and HR Manager through to front line, on the ground staff.

We also understand that it can be difficult to schedule training during business hours and there can be problems associated with sending staff offsite, to alleviate this, our staff come to you, at a time that suits you to deliver your professional development. Please visit the Amovita website for an overview of our training programs or contact Amovita today if you would like a customised professional development program for you and your organisation.

If your organisation does not employ an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) service, then you are not only turning a blind eye to a key employee health and wellness issue, you are also effectively saying that you don’t care about issues that impact significantly on the bottom line of your business such as productivity, absenteeism, attrition, and engagement, among others.

That’s because the personal and work-related issues that follow around your employees have a very real impact on their willingness and ability to perform their jobs.

Think about it from your own point of view. Do you perform at your peak level when you’ve got problems on the home front? What about when you’ve got a conflict with a co-worker or, worse, a boss?

What percentage of your mental focus during the day is on your work and what percentage is on the problems you’re going through?

10% to 15%…..or more?

How, exactly, does that impact on the quality of work you produce?

If you haven’t ever had the experience of going through a tough time when you just couldn’t shake the stressful, depressing, angry or otherwise negative emotions that go with it, then perhaps you can at least appreciate what it must be like for people to be going through a tough time and still have to report for work and try to do their best.

The number of people in the workforce who are affected by personal and work related issues is, by the way, quite significant. Some estimates say that 20% to 30% of working people suffer from issues such as:

• Substance abuse
• Relationship conflicts
• Financial difficulties
• Addiction
• Workplace bullying
• Job insecurity

And while an EAP service is not a remedy for everything that troubles everyone in the workforce, it can help a lot of people manage through tough times and get back to full productivity quickly. And that means that an EAP is not only good for your employees, it is also good for your bottom line.

Amovita consulting offers a variety of services that can help your business succeed. Some of our most popular services include our EAP program, training programs, team building, human resource consultancy and executive management coaching. Contact Amovita today to see how we can help you build and grow your business.

If you are a leader in any sense of the word, you must never forget the influence you have on others. As a boss, supervisor or leader, your attitude affects your employees. Your employees’ attitudes affect your customers and your customers are the lifeblood of your business. If you want to gain employee cooperation and increase teamwork, here are three things you can do hold them in high esteem, make them feel valued and increase their engagement.  

Respect
I remember when I was a casual employee in a large supermarket chain and I had a boss who did not show much respect. I recall setting a meeting with him because I was so frustrated about how hard we had worked only to feel defeated by the mechanical problems. When I expressed my frustration, what I really wanted was a pat on the back, someone to say, “I know you care a lot about your job and it must be frustrating to work so hard for nothing.” Or I wanted him to ask me what ideas I might have for making some changes. What I got instead was, “Hey, I didn’t ask you to work here. If you don’t like it, find another place to work.”

Now that I’m on the other side of the fence and no longer in that position, I do understand that leaders get tired of employee complaints and I know how drama in the workplace hampers productivity. However, as a leader, you must set the tone of how complaints are registered and you must develop the wisdom to respond appropriately instead of reacting to an employee’s negativity. You would be surprised at how you can shift an employee’s attitude simply by using good listening skills.

Listen
“It’s no big deal” or, “No one else is complaining” or, “it’s my decision and I’ve decided”.  The worst thing you can do when an employee comes to you with a problem is to criticise or discount. Second to discounting is pretending to listen. Even if you hear what is being said, when you are distracted by checking e-mail, or looking at a message on your Blackberry, you are unintentionally communicating that the person in front of you is not important enough to give full attention.

To show you are listening, stop what you are doing and look the person in the eye. Then acknowledge what they just said. This does not mean you agree with what was said; just that you heard what was being communicated. A simple statement like, “Hannah, it sounds like you are frustrated,” will let Hannah know you heard the essence of what she was trying to communicate. If you feel distracted, or otherwise unavailable, the solution is to set an appointment for a time later in the day when you can be free of distractions.

Engage Them
It’s true you can get employees to do their job, but if you want real engagement you have to find a way to make them part of the process. There is a difference between commitment and compliance: Compliant employees do what is required and no more. Committed and engaged employees become part of a team, looking for ways to benefit the company with their expertise, their ideas and their energy.

Employees buy in to what they help to create. Once you have built the trust with them and if your company is considered a good place to work, you can go to the next level and get their active participation. The way to make this happen is to keep them in the loop about what is happening in the company. Tell them the reasons for the decisions that are being made. When possible ask for their input, opinions, ideas and feedback and publicly acknowledge employee ideas and contributions.  When I was studying, as part of an assignment, I asked employees the question, what could your boss do to become a better boss? Unequivocally two answers overshadowed every other answer: show respect and listen. A good way to know if you are successful as a manager is not only by employee performance, but by their engagement.

At Amovita, we can help you set the tone for your workplace with our Executive Management Coaching and Team Development Programs; we can also assist in making your workplace a productive and harmonious one through our Supervision, Assertiveness and Mediation training programs.

“It is amazing how much you can accomplish when it doesn’t matter who gets the credit” Unknown

For most of us, asking for what we want is the hardest thing that we can ever do in our professional lives. I hate to disappoint one of the most followed bands of all times, The Rolling Stones, but I don’t believe the song lyrics You Can’t Always Get What You Want, because I believe I can get exactly what I want. Yes, it may take time, hard work and sacrifice, but I can get it.

It seems that in our personal lives we have no problem at all asking for what we want, most of us know what we want our birthday and Christmas presents to look like, we know we want to go on a holiday and we know we want a new car and we generally know what we want in our professional lives, but do you verbalise this in the same way that you verbalise your personal wants?

How often do we say “I wish the boss noticed all the overtime I do?”, “I wish I had more time.”, “I wish I had more responsibility at work.”, “I wish I could get my team to do what I ask them to do” “More, More, More”…. yet without making any real changes to the present structures of our professional lives.

With Easter fast approaching, my mailbox (both the one on my computer and on my street) are filling up with letters from organisations and individuals wanting me to help them out over the Easter period… all with their very glossy images of happy families and people or confronting images of what poverty, disability, or homelessness does to an individual and a family. These letters have been thought about very carefully, every detail – the style of font, the content of the letter and even the part where you fill out your credit card details. A very clever thing that most letters have is the highest amount as their first tick box, indicating to me that I really should be giving them $1000 instead of $20; an Easter basket with all the trimmings instead of just the small bag of home brand chocolate eggs; or buying a teacher for a village instead of just the chicken.

So after looking through the multitude of letters and emails, I started to think…..we as individuals could really learn a thing from these organisations that fill up our inbox and our letterboxes. “WHY?” I hear you ask in a ‘here we go again’ tone….well, because the organisation has thought about what they needed, thought about how this could change the person’s life, thought about the increase to their bottom line and thought about who they should target to get to their goal.

In essence, we can really learn alot from these letters and emails – after all, they have the fine art down pat of really thinking about what they want and then putting an action plan in place of achieving their goal. So instead of putting all of your energy into wondering when you are going to get that promotion or when you are going to schedule that team building strategy meeting, why not simply just think about what you want to achieve, start to put an action plan together and start asking those you need to help you achieve your ‘I want’ list.

At Amovita, we have a range of services that can assist you to ask what you want, from Executive Management Coaching and Team Development to learning positive ways to participate in professional supervision in your workplace, our team of positive professionals can work with you, so you can get exactly what you want.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs

STRESS!! It’s one of the prime factors that the urban population is dealing with. With our fast paced lifestyles that seem to constantly revolve around all the things that we must do. You know the things I’m talking about – from juggling work, family, friends to creating culinary healthy masterpieces each week for our family, to attempting to manage our diary to fit in that car service, hairdresser appointment, mowing the lawn….and the list could go on!

Stress can be very damaging to your body as well as to your overall well-being. When we are stressed, we create a “fight or flight” reaction to our surroundings. Adrenaline is released causing an increased heartbeat, at the expense of other areas of our body and emotional reactions to prolonged stress could include anxiety and depression. High stress levels have also been linked to cardiovascular disease, musculoskeletal problems, lowered immune system and even cancer.

Stress can affect every aspect of your life, so understanding how stress occurs and the impact it has on your body, mind and functioning is very important. Sometimes stress can be avoided, but when it cannot be, the proper management of stress is essential. The biggest challenge when dealing with stress is learning how to manage it. Without the proper stress relief management your mental and physical health can be affected.

You may find that your stress relief comes from exercising every day to boost your endorphins, booking a family holiday, having a regular massage, meditating, going to yoga or, if you are like most of us and are time poor but would like great results, perhaps you could consider some simple exercises that you can do at work, in the car or at home.

There are different types of stress relief management and you need to decide for yourself which is the best type for you. Last week I stumbled across this article in the online version of Time magazine, the article focuses on how to manage stress and avoid burnout and is called “The Brain: 6 Lessons for Handling Stress”, although I already knew most of this information, it was good to reflect upon.

So before you find yourself in a fight of flight situation, I encourage you to explore different types of activities and techniques that could help you to reduce your stress and enable you to continue happily juggling the list of “must do’s”.

“Two rules for stress management:

Rule one: Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Rule two: It’s all small stuff.” Robert Elliot

Enlist a coach, mentor or professional supervisor who you can talk to, debrief. Enlist in a gym membership or make time to move every day as part of relieving stress. Recognise what relieves the stress for you.

Feel free to call us at Amovita to discuss with you ways to decrease the stress in your life, you only have ONE so please make it the best you can.

When I ask leaders what they do on a daily basis I receive various different responses. Leaders can spend their day responding to a constant stream of emails, attending PR activities, dealing with the demands of employees, balancing the budget, writing reports or having round table discussions with management teams and consultants, and then more meetings!  

Whilst all of these things are important when leading an organisation, I wonder, with all this going on, how are you being a positive leader, promoting inclusion and cohesion in your workplace?

Being a leader is important and it’s more than just being the ‘face’ of the organisation or the person that has the responsibility of signing the pay checks at the end of each week. As a leader there is an opportunity to achieve, succeed, create change, bring about a positive mindset for high performance whilst balancing the budget.

BUT, as a leader, you also face challenges of creating a positive work environment, increasing productivity when staff morale and satisfaction is low and ultimately being responsible for the success or the demise of your organisation (scary thought isn’t it!).

So what’s the number one way to increase the success of your organisation? If you answered happy, motivated and positive staff you would be correct.

What is the number one way to have happy, motivated and positive staff you ask? Well, it’s not just one quality, trait or thought process, it’s a combination of all of these things and more!

There have been so many studies, articles, newsletters and ideas written about being a motivated and positive leader, but recently I found an article written by Joe Folkman entitled ‘Top 9 Leadership Behaviours that Drive Employee Commitment” that captivated me and I wanted to share it with you.

The article talks about how leaders influence their teams and how they can inspire staff, increase productivity and has points about being self aware of your own leadership style, at the end of the article, it has some practical questions that you can ask yourself about your leadership style. Click here to read the article  

There are numerous techniques, attributes and skills that leaders can use to generate positivity in others and in turn, success in their organisation. I have come to the conclusion that we first have to reflect on our own leadership style, what behaviours we display to others, how our mindset operates in the workplace and how much time we invest in changing the things that we need to change, only then can we be positive leaders and bring out the best in our workplaces.

 “Leaders must be close enough to relate to others; but far enough ahead to motivate them.” John Maxwell.

Until next time,
Tracey

Sometimes it takes a difficult situation to make you grateful for what you have in life. Recently, many homeowners have lost their homes to the floods and Tropical Cyclone Yasi and don’t know what do next and now we are hearing of those struggling people facing financial ruin because of insurance companies. Children have lost their toys and many other priceless memories kept in keepsakes are gone. Yet these people are still living and trying to face life one day at a time, making new memories, rising above their devastating situations and trying to see the brighter side of situations.

It is hard to even imagine some of these things in the little bubble I live in. When things do happen it doesn’t seem real because I wasn’t directly affected by it. This time this disaster has hit my community and although my home was not affected I still see the difference the flood and Cyclone Yasi has made to attitudes and people’s daily lives.

Through all of this, I’ve been reminded that life isn’t all about what you have, it’s about facing life after struggles and surviving. It seems that both physical and mental resilience can be achieved through a healthy amount of adversity. When we face hard times, we adapt and build a callous that helps us take on future challenges.

Resilience is often considered a process that occurs in spite of adversity, but we might want to instead think of it as a phenomenon that appears because of adversity.  Indeed, we can become even more physically and mentally capable as a result of our misfortunes.

Here are some quotes resilience, struggling and surviving for you to ponder over this week:

1. I have learned there is a gift wrapped inside of every adversity and if you have faith and hope, you can lose everything and still survive. Sandi Bachom
2. There are times in everyone’s life when something constructive is born out of adversity….when things seem so bad that you’ve got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it. Author Unknown
3. You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best you have to give. Eleanor Roosevelt
4. Rock bottom is good solid ground and a dead end street is just a place to turn around. Buddy Buie and J R Cobb, from the song ‘Rock bottom’
5. We have no right to ask when a sorrow comes “Why did this happen to me?’, unless we ask the same question for every joy that comes our way. Philip E Bernstein.

Amovita can also support you and your family through your time of need through our personal and family counselling programs. Counselling assists you to understand and confront the issue in a way that will bring about positive change. Seeking out a trained professional counsellor can make a huge difference in your ability to cope and deal with any personal issues you may be facing.

At Amovita we believe that you need to be confident that your counsellor has the appropriate skills and training to provide you with what you need. That’s why your first session is free! Yes absolutely free. We would like you to come to your first session and ask questions that ensure you are getting a counsellor that you feel confident with.

Contact Amovita today via phone on 0420 234 638, email: info@amovita.com.au or complete our online booking form.

Until next time
Tracey

There’s a great show on TV at the moment, Tuesday nights 7.30pm on GEM, it’s called Secret Millionaire. I’ve watched the British version before so I was surprised to stumble across the encore episode of the Australian version on our screen.

Each week a millionaire leaves the glitz and comforts of their life to go live and work in a low socio-economic community, they are given only $20 a day to spend. During that week they volunteer with different community groups and become a part of the networks that support the people who are in cycle of tragedy. It’s one of those shows where you get a lump in your throat and are guaranteed tears in every episode.

Sitting in my home with most creature comforts, I begin to realise how much I have, and how much of it I don’t need! We all have complaints in life; “I don’t earn enough”, “my partner doesn’t listen me”, “if only I had a bigger house, a bigger yard, a better car”.

Our list of wants can go on and on but when you meet or watch people with less than you have, with children who have debilitating diseases or most appropriately this week, those that have lost everything in a flood, you all of a sudden realise how amazing your average life in suburbia really is!! By the end of this show these millionaires have to decide how best to use their money to intervene in these precious lives. Yesterday’s millionaire was a young lady, at the start of the show this is what she said “I give; not because I have, but because I’m human”.

This is exactly what we have witnessed these last few weeks from the local, state, national and international community – they’ve given. We are into the 4th week of the flood tragedy here in Queensland and watched so many emotional stories of people losing their loved ones, seen the footage of landmarks under water, watched large amounts of debris float effortlessly down streets and have heard of those that have lost all their possessions. People from all walks of life have given what they could.

Sadly this weather pattern has hit so many areas including NSW, Victoria and now in Tasmania. We had a call from one of our children in Tasmania telling us of the floods in Railton and towns being evacuated last week and over the weekend. It will be a time in our lives that will be part of history.

How wonderful are Queenslanders and Australians. Seeing that queue of 10,000 volunteers ready at the help for others in need. What a wonderful spirit we have as a community. So many of Amovita’s clients and my colleagues have been caught in the flood tragedy. So many people emailing and texting us to ask for help, counseling staff, being at the ready for the after affects of this event. In a way we can all be Secret Millionaire’s giving our time, resources and support. These are the times where a hug and pat on the back can go a long way.

On the news this morning a beautiful child in Goodna was putting out the word that she has commenced a quest for Santa to return to Goodna and she is donating some of her Christmas presents to other children in her area that have lost all their presents because of the flood. Lets come up with as many creative ideas as we can to get others back on their feet as quickly as possible.

How proud are we to be Queenslanders and Australians.

Image’s
1. Sandbags of Love – Kelvin Grove, Sheena Jamieson
2. Flood Indicator at New Farm, Sebastian Sanchez
3. Brisbane’s Story Bridge – Bruce Kirkland

Welcome to 2011.

Like so many others I have watched with horror the events unfolding throughout Queensland with the floods. We probably all know someone who has been affected by this weather event. I certainly have. Like so many other Queenslanders we were looking forward to getting away for a few days break over the Christmas period, however our neighbours braved the weather and reported once they returned early – Don’t Go! Sound advice really, so we remained bunkered down and did some renovating instead! This smart snake managed to get himself about the water and hold on tight. It’s hard to imagine the level of water we have received since before Christmas. What a shame we are unable to have a big water switch that turns it off now that our dams are full.

The floods are a reminder of how mother nature continually surprises us. It is also a reminder of how we as a community reach out to those in need when they need it the most. It’s amazing how those who are right in the grips of the flood still continue to give, open their homes, feed those without access to food, round up livestock, give give give. It’s a reminder of how selfless people can be at the most difficult time even when they do not have a lot themselves.

What is in store for you in 2011. Work, family, friends, leisure time, exercise, sleep, study and the list goes on. Can you make space for other things like giving back to the community, to someone in need or become a patron or member of a Board.

1. Attitude of Gratitude

Stand on the ‘balcony of life’. Think about your level of gratefullness! What are the great things that are in your life, what has treated you well. It may be work, friends or family. When we think positively and are really truly grateful for the things in our life that serve us well, we create a new sense of thinking, a new outlook. The deeper we feel this sense our body releases different hormones and reactive responses to others around us.

2. Negative No Go Zone

It is really easy to participate in negative conversations with others without even realising it. Make a pact with yourself this year to stay in the no go zone of negative discussion. Hang around positive people. Seek out other positive people in the workplace. If you are in an organisation or position that is not conducive to supporting you, rethink where you need to be.

3. Goal Development

What goals would you like to achieve this year. Personal goals, financial goals, job goals, relationship, strategic, etc. Individual and family goals. Setting goals gives us something to strive for, to focus on and gives a sense of purpose.

4. Who Else

Who else could do with your positive disposition, your energy, your giving of your time or resources. Teach your children how to give of themselves and their time to others as well. Create a future where the next generation know how to engage an attitude of gratitude.

5. Re Assess

Are you where you really want to be? The question is if not why not? Your journey and destiny is in your hands. The only person that can change how you think, what you do, how you respond is you. You! Take time out to reflect what is important for you, your life, what you really want to get out of this year.

Here is to a dry Queensland in the not too distant future and to a great year that is truly satisfying for you.

Kids are often caught in the middle of parents during and after separation. Parents are often dealing with their own grief, anger, loss and trying to manage the major changes that come with separation and are unable to see the impact that all of this has on the children. There is often point scoring over the children with the demand of shared care between both parents, often hostility towards each other and children’s needs and wishes are lost in the noise. There is resistance to work in together to ensure that children are not traumatised more permanently or internalise feelings that often then later present as challenging behaviours.

We well know that the current legislation surrounding shared care focuses on parents having quality time with their children post separation and this is so important for children and young people. However in a study undertaken by Dr Jennifer McIntosh that looked at shared care arrangements over a four year period, we now know that only about 40 percent of shared care arrangements are working well. It is vital that parents work together in a positive parenting alliance to ensure that children remain attached to both parents, they feel supported and stable to ensure they develop emotionally well. Many children and young people are presenting for counselling at an early age with anxiety and depressive states due to the continuance of high conflict between parents during the relationship and post separation. This is a telling tale. It is vital that we continue to discuss the impacts of children during separation and divorce to curb the tide of mental illness as they grow into adulthood.

Parents are the most important tool in this equation. It is vital that we provide parents up to date from the latest research on the impacts of separation and divorce on children, how to ensure they focus on the children emotionally in such situations, understand how their children develop through the different stages and ages as they grow and equip them with the tools to remain child focused as they ‘battle’ to rebuild their own lives and those of their children. The picture is not great is it, however this is seriously real!! Children have to mould themselves to suit their parents, they are often not equipped with the words or skills to let their parents know what the impact is on them.

Another perspective are those children whose parents have never lived with each  other. Just because these children have not lived in the same family home with both parents, we cannot say the  impact is lesser than those who do. These children have no history of both parents together, they often do not  have the same family supports around them and are impacted greatly by having to juggle the needs of both  parents. This typology of family system also sees children present with anger issues, internalised feelings and  stress, externalised challenging behaviours and a feeling of self blame. They can find it difficult to hold secure  attachments, present with anxiety and other depressive symptoms just like children where both parents have  lived together. We also often see one parent disengage with their child/ren as it is all too hard to keep it  together. This only adds to the trauma for that child/ren and impacts greatly on their future relationships and  attachments. They can experience loneliness, hypervigilent behaviours and find it too difficult to trust others  developing co-dependent behaviours.

Having a meaningful relationship with both parents where they as Dr McIntosh suggests build a parental alliance that scaffolds the child/ren onto a secure bridge between the two is the most effective way to ensure that children and young people develop emotionally well and learn the necessary skills for adulthood. It is vital that both parents remain present and active in their children’s lives putting aside their own hurts and defences to ensure their child/ren feel loved and supported.

The key to a meaningful relationship with children is not to be fixated on a schedule. This leaves children feeling like a clock, they are just seen as time for both parents. Having to set up their belongings at both houses, often not being able to take clothes and their favourite things between mum and dad’s house can be distressing and causes anxiety. Many parents make their children change clothes before they go to the other parents house, again adding to the trauma of having to feel like allocated time in each house. Children and young people need different things at different developmental stages in their life. What they need as a baby is to have a primary care giver and spend quality time with the other parent. What a child needs at preschool age is different to primary and high school age and then again different at adolescent age. What they do need though is two parents that can engage appropriately with each other and without the continuance of high conflict putting their differences aside and become child focused. Your children are your children for life no matter what so carving them up in timeslots is not the way to go if you want them to develop as normally as possible given the separation, divorce and conflict that comes with this.

One of the most effective ways to ‘inoculate’ children during and post separation of their parents is to involve them in the process. By this I mean engaging in a positive process supporting children to see a qualified professional who works with your child/ren throughout the differing stages of the separation. This also applies if you have been separated for some time and you think the children are travelling well.  This is where a social worker or psychologist meets with the sibling group and then individually with each child to assess the impacts of the separation or divorce. The professional engages with the child/ren to assess how they are coping with the change, their own grief, loss, anger and sadness.Feedback session/s are provided to the parents where children can be appropriately and loudly heard as to what the impacts are on them.

With the changes to the Family Law Act couples now are required to engage in mediation prior to going to court and parents have the positive power to engage children in ‘Child Informed Mediation’. Again this is where the experiences of your children are included in the process and the mediator works with the child/ren and then provides the parents with feedback.

Child informed mediation provides parents with a unique view of what is occurring from their child/ren’s perspective and from their experiences and feelings. The wishes and feelings of the child/ren are sometimes unable to be heard due to the continuance of high conflict or no discussion at all between the parents. When parents engage in child informed mediation the results can be very positive for all members of the family. The mediator is well equipped to provide relevant feedback in a positive and proactive way so parents can really take a different path to change the pattern of conflict, change how children feel about being ‘allocated time’ and learn how to develop strategies to change the path of their child/rens future. A place where children can grow into healthy adults, secure, lessen the risk of mental illness, co-dependency and feel confident and secure in themselves.

Let’s all be proactive in our approach to support children and parents during and post separation. Parents cannot do this alone, together as families and professionals we can develop our children for the future to lessen the risk of repeating the same patterns and assisting them to feel safe and secure